Who Cries For Sinners?
by jemisard
Summary: Goku is coming to understand something about the awful dynamics at work in the group. Yaoi, lime, violence, strong language


It had been a long and tiring day.

Goku hopped out of the jeep just before it transformed back. Hakuryuu collapsed onto Hakkai's shoulder, chirping quietly.

The youkai smiled and petted the dragon, picking up two of the packs. "Well, we should find some rooms for the night and settle in for dinner."

Goku cheered, he was so hungry after that fighting. The two ambushes had been annoying enough, but Sanzo had been bashed in the back of the head by one of the youkai, which made him grumpier than usual.

Gojyo was prowling. He stalked to a nearby inn, walking through the door before anyone could stop him. Sanzo scowled and kick the last pack to Goku. "Get that, and I'll let you have whatever you want for dinner."

"Really, Sanzo? I can have anything?"

"Yes. Hurry up." The monk was already nearly in the door.

Hakkai smiled back at him and waited for the boy to catch up. "Don't worry about Sanzo; I'm sure he'll be in a better mood tomorrow."

"Probably. He is a grumpy guy, huh?"

Hakkai smiled slightly and followed Goku into the inn.

0

It had taken them a very short amount of time to get settled. Sanzo was annoyed enough to pay out for four rooms so that they'd all get some peace and quiet and then told the owner that Goku could have anything up to a certain price, which Goku hadn't actually heard but sounded like a lot.

He ate well that night. He was actually feeling quite full by the time he finished three hours later.

He headed back upstairs, looking for the other two. Gojyo had headed out to find some company for the night for 'relaxing‚' and would probably not be back until well into the morning.

He trudged up the stairs, pushing back his fringe again. He could hear something, loud noises, thumping, coming from Sanzo's room.

He walked over, a small frown on his face. The noises got louder; he could hear Sanzo's voice now, too quiet to discern the words he said but the tone was harsh and rough as he gasped out words.

He heard Hakkai whisper something before a cry cut him off. Goku stumbled back, a blush running over his cheeks.

They were having sex.

Goku might not have been the brightest, but he knew the facts of life, and knew that those sorts of sounds did not come from the usual games of poker and mah jonng. There was another series of thumps, Hakkai sounded like he sobbing as he gasped out Sanzo's name and Sanzo growled, "Shut up," and the thumps increased again, then stopped.

Goku stood, frozen to the spot. His feet obligingly carried him back to his room, but he stood outside it, staring back at Sanzo's room.

The door opened, and Hakkai stepped out. His hair was ruffled, his pants rumpled and he was doing up the last clasp on his shirt. His monocle was neatly in place.

He blinked at Goku. "Oh, Goku. You've finished dinner?"

"Yeah, you didn't come down." He glanced further down the hall, as though he could see into Sanzo's room like that. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, of course, why shouldn't it be?" He smiled slightly and opened his door, slipping inside without a further word.

Goku frowned. He walked back down the hall to Sanzo's room, peering inside, despite the fact he knew he shouldn't.

Sanzo was sitting on a chair, fully dressed and flicking through the newspaper. The blonde looked up and glared, but the anger was gone from his gaze.

Goku smiled and ducked out again.

His stomach rumbled.

He'd think about it more on a full stomach.

0

They did end up eating as a group, and nothing seemed different. Goku knew that they'd been having what sounded like very rough, passionate sex, but there wasn't even a glance between them to suggest as much.

Goku went to bed very confused about the whole situation.

It was late in the night when he woke up. He normally wouldn't stir for anything, so he had no idea why he had just woken up.

He heard a knock on the door next to his and realised he must have heard one before. Who would be wandering around at this time of night?

He peered out. He saw blood red hair and a pale green shirt in the small bit of light there was, just before the door opened and Hakkai's face appeared. "Gojyo?"

"Can I come in?" Gojyo asked quietly.

"Sure." Hakkai stepped back and Gojyo stalked into the room.

Goku watched the door closed.

Gojyo seemed to be restless and he was back early. He'd gone to see Hakkai.

Goku snuck over to the door and pressed his ear to it.

"What's wrong, Gojyo?" That was obviously Hakkai.

"I had no luck tonight and I'm strung out tighter than that poor excuse for a monk." There was a pause. "Can we make a little part of tonight for us?"

"You know you don't need those bad pick up lines here, Gojyo." He could hear that smile, he swore it. "In fact, I'd prefer if you didn't use them."

"I know, I know, you say that every time, but I'm not going to ever stop." He heard a small gasp from Hakkai before Gojyo continued. "You are always so damn fuckable, Hakkai. Hell, it's why I picked you up three years ago."

"Very funny, Gojyo." There was the sound of rustling cloth. "You know, you don't have to chase girls before you come to me."

Goku could not believe it. Only hours earlier he'd heard Sanzo with Hakkai, now he was finding out that Hakkai slept with Gojyo on at least a semi-permanent basis.

"Well, I thought you might prefer to be left alone tonight. I saw how grumpy Sanzo was."

Oh Kami! Gojyo knew about that as well?

"Hakkai, stop talking. I can think of much more fun things to do."

Goku couldn't resist. He pushed the door slightly, enough for it to swing open a crack. He peered inside, dreading what he would see and unable to stop himself.

Gojyo had his arms around Hakkai, his back to the door. Hakkai's head was tipped to the side while Gojyo kissed his neck and shoulders, his eyes were tightly closed and he bit his bottom lip.

Goku looked at Hakkai's face. He didn't seem to be enjoying Gojyo's touches; he seemed to be trying to endure them, like it was what was expected of him.

Goku went back to his room. He wanted no part of whatever was going on in there. He didn't know a lot about sex, but he knew it was not meant to be endured like that.

Even after he returned to his own room, Goku couldn't sleep. He put the pillow over his head and clamped it over his ears to block the sounds that the couple next door were making, he closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep rather than have to sit there and do nothing, know nothing, for a moment longer.

He had no idea how long passed, too long for him. He heard footsteps going back down the hall, past his room, past Sanzo's and into the last room left.

He sat up and slipped from his bed. He padded down the hall to Hakkai's room, knocking on the door before pushing it open a crack. "Hakkai, it's me. Goku."

"Oh, ah, Goku." Hakkai looked over. "Is everything all right?"

Hakkai sat in his bed, naked as far as Goku could see. There was a heady smell in the room that was being dissipated by the open window the older youkai sat by. Hakkai himself sat with the pillow clutched to his chest, his knees drawn upwards.

The smile on Hakkai's face was wrong, as wrong as every other one Goku could remember seeing and had never realised was false before now. He walked to the wide of the bed, feeling... empty. Cold. "Why?"

The youkai looked confused. "Why what, Goku? What do you mean?"

Goku stared out the window at the moon. "I heard noises before, Hakkai. In Sanzo's room." He turned to look at the other man, really look this time.

He saw what the clothes usually hid. There was bruising on the youkai's arms, around the biceps, as though he had been held tightly. His fingers reached for it almost before he realised what he was doing.

"It's nothing to worry about, Goku." Hakkai drew back, bringing the boy's fingers just short of their mark. A faint blush had covered his cheeks; it made the green in his eyes more vibrant as he turned away.

Goku was caught by how defenceless Hakkai was without his monocle on. He ran his eyes past the cheekbone and down the neckline to the shoulder. Darkness covered where shadow should not touch.

"Nothing to worry about!?" Goku reached out, taking the back of Hakkai's skull in his hand, bending his head down to reveal the darkening bruise. It was thin on this side but far thicker on the other.

Goku shifted his hand to it, once again lost in his own thoughts. His right hand was smaller than Sanzo's but the shape was clear enough. Sanzo had pinned Hakkai down by his neck.

Anger boiled through Goku, and he wanted to vent at something so he started to yell instead. "Why do you let them do this to you, Hakkai?!"

Emerald eyes went wide, staring up at him. Goku let go of Hakkai's neck before he started squeezing.

The older youkai turned his gaze back to the moon, or maybe beyond, and shrugged slightly, his head coming to rest on his knees. "I don't know. Honestly, I'm not sure why. I suppose... it's the closest to affection that I will ever take."

"You don't deserve that, Hakkai!" Goku stamped his foot, not caring if he woke up the other two now. "No one deserves to be treated like some, some, sex toy! No one should be something to be used for pleasure and bruised and tossed aside when their partner's done."

Hakkai was silent, staring out the window. He turned his head slowly to gaze on Goku. "I slaughtered over a thousand innocent youkai with these hands and many humans as well. What makes you think I deserve anything more?"

Goku stared at Hakkai with shock wide eyes as the other turned back to the window. He felt rage in him, anger and hate, and it was wrong to be so angry at everyone, but he was.

Most of all, he was angry at Sanzo. He adored Sanzo; he admired him, just as he admired Hakkai. And now he found out that the man he adored had been abusing the man he respected.

He unclenched his fists. "A man must live in the moment to die with a smile on his face. You were forgiven, Hakkai, when they changed your name they forgave you. Tell me, have you ever smiled as Hakkai? Or was every smile pretend so we wouldn't worry about your pain? If every smile was pretend, how do I know you ever even liked me like you said you did? I know you lied to Gojyo about it being okay."

Hakkai looked up at him, and his face softening from shock into a weary smile. It was not overly happy, but it was genuine. "Oh, Goku, there have been times I have smiled. Not every smile is make believe. But I also know that one person must sometimes suffer so that the many can stay happy. Kanan should have been one of them, as wrong as it is. I feel awful for saying it, but her death would have saved a clan if not for me. I became the one who made the many suffer as Gonou, so as Hakkai I will not let that be. I must be the one this time."

For a moment, they both thought that Goku was going to hit Hakkai. His fist clenched and drew back slightly, and Hakkai braced himself for the impact of such a punch.

Goku forced his hand to relax and reached out, taking one of Hakkai's hands in his own. He held it softly and stared down at the older youkai.

So many questions. How could they all have been so deceived by Hakkai's smiles, or was he the only one who had fallen or it? Did the others continue to abuse his good intentions and self depreciation despite knowing how bad he felt about it all?

"I'm not going to ever hit you, Hakkai. Too many people who should have been your friends have hurt you tonight. You're too good for that. You're too good for what they do to you." He smiled and nodded, convinced of the rightness of his words. "You deserve to be one of the many."

Hakkai stared at him for a moment, and Goku smiled again, softer, and pulled the older youkai's head to his stomach, stroking his hair softly as he began to sob.

Goku bowed his head and gently petted Hakkai's hair. "Don't worry. I'll look after you this time around, Hakkai. I'll make you happy."

They stood there for a long time, Hakkai crying against Goku, but, for the first time that night, it didn't seem very long to Goku.

---The End---


End file.
